Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like I just can't win. Something good happens and something bad promptly occurs to make up for it. But when something bad happens, I notice that there is never something good to help balance it out. I usually take on smaller tasks that I feel I have some control over to make these positive bursts in my life, and when those fail it makes me feel even worse. I sometimes wish I could stop caring about whether or not I'm amazing at something. What does it matter if I never manage to make it there?

Some would say, it's a good thing to strive for more..but it's just a lot of disappointment. Disappointment is worse than settling for mediocrity. But then again, if I could do that, I wouldn't be in this position to begin with. I'm not trying to be negative here, in fact I spend 98% of my time being ridiculously optimistic. Forcing optimism just makes that 2% feel incredibly worse when it happens though.

I'm really not looking for anyone to make me feel better here (or maybe I am who knows) - I just wanted to get the thought out of my head..so that I would hopefully stop dwelling on it. You know that whole write it down and forget about it thing. I'm also curious if other people feel like this or if it's just me? I feel like I'm incredibly sensitive sometimes..